melancholic clairvoyant

rEpLy To TaG:

xiang: long meh?last time gt longer ones.

xz: y u change ur url!

i wasnt feel abit ok recently.however, i have gt no idea what issues caused such a turmoil on me psychologically.probably, i'm feeling the stress as graduation starts getting nearer.i get dumbfolded whenever i'm throw with questions like 'so how?what do u plan after ur graduation.'and my ans is definitely to choose to join the society.and the next qsn,'then what u planning to work as?'i start to hate the person who ask and feel like killing him.i've no idea.i was having a quick breakfast with potato de roger this morning and was discussion about diploma.and i have to agree with him that a diploma in science in singapore is as good as nth.seriously,in a country where science jobs are left for those with masters,a diploma would be equals to washing test tubes.and i admitted that i realised my wrong choice of course recently when it was about 5 weeks to graduation.how absurb isnt it?i can only blame that i did not study well during my secondary sch days.

so,for the past few days,i was alone,with myself.to sch alone,go home alone.sounds emo but i guess i need the time and space to organise my thoughts,to really sit down and think how am i supposed to continue after that 5 weeks,which is going to past in a twinkling of eye.

my drafted plan is to give up:

my dream to travel upon graduation.

yes.a reluctant choice.all along was hoping and praying to go to taiwan during march for holidays before graduation ceremony in april.i guess,my decision now is to put travelling aside and do something else.and i've decided that my priority now is to do things which can make my resume beautiful.hence,i'll use the money planned for travel to enroll in some part-time courses this march.

**********************
i was trying hard all the while to:

but i've come to understand,sometimes things doesnt go the way u plan.and when u met with such circumstances,accept is an option.

recently,i was bloghopping into MQ Tay's blog.and i saw one of her post wrote: destroy what destroys u.and i agreed to 201%,not only that,it became one of the quote i remind myself from time to time.i have to say,ystd while i was chatting with ken,suddenly i understood the true meaning of 'That's life'.and the phrase in front is,this is so unfair.i am upset and dont want to,but i have to accept,yes.Unfairness.i diligently go to sch everyday,making my attendence at least 85% present and yet,my grade for UT(s) is only satisfactory.while his attendence is 85% ~~absent~~,he gets an A for UT(s) and a higher GPA then me.so,whats the point of going to sch diligently,making life so miserable for myself by forcing myself to wake up in so early morning,making myself so worn out everyday,sacrifice time for shopping(my greatest pleasure) and get a worse grade than someone who enjoys life to the max?actually,i'm not exactly so upset about such unfairness because:

1. i experience it when i was with the ex.he treats his gay partner 90% better than me.he gives him all the priority and respect but nothing to me when they've separated emotionally and when i was his gf.oh well?

2. i know the just-satisfactory-grade/gpa is at least 50% due to my laziness in class to contribute and laziness to study hard for UT(s).i literally click through the ppt slides and claimed that i studies hard for UT.

Bleak.

YYY

因为曾经拥有，所以笑。
9:37:00 PM