melancholic clairvoyant

rEpLy To TaG:

xiang: what.y u and potato say de same thing de!i very feminine one ok!

xz: haha.i knw u miss me after 3 weeks. =D

the sudden urge to blog but without topic to write.nt say enjoying my life much as was either very worn out after sch everyday or have to stay back till at least 5+ for UT(s).1 down tdy,1 more tmr,2 more for next week.and of course,my mood was very much affected by ppl ard me,esp my close friends.my life rollercoaster has finally move over the troughs and approaching the crest (i hope?).i heave a sigh of relief,and i felt i'm more calm,clear-headed and to a certain extend,my point of view change and not to say,more time for myself.my friend says everything will be ok in the end,if its nt ok,its nt the end.for me,for him,its the end.because we're ok.

i'm not getting emotional but am just pening down some thoughts after listening to some incidents.ppl are just reluctant to let go of something which they knw very well they would nt get.and until one fine day,they just realise that whatever they did,however much they do,at the end of the day,things dont change to the way they wanted it to be.only then they'll wake up for some,they'll do things more proactively alas,for another grp,they go back to sleep;repeating the same cycle again.regardless of what situation one belongs to,we couldnt judge them by right or wrong but rassional or nt.take for example,me and Mr. A_ _ _ Lim.at a point of time,after being with him,i knw we would nt have a future and for him,he knew we would nt have a future right at e beginning.for me,its stubborn as for him,idk the exact reason.yes,perhaps the feelings were mutual then even up till recently.for all kinds of reasons,breakup(s) is the word tt keeps coming,hurtful comments were the key to all broken hearts.until a mth back(i think?),things tt he did,words tt he said changed both our life and most importantly,just like two tight slap right at my face.instantly,i woke up;i really did.i chose the path which subconsciously,my stored memory of everybody reminds me to.and,i insist the way.i am persistant,i told myself this is the only way if i want a happier life,i told myself i dont have a choice,i told myself however hard/difficult e path in front is,i had to carry on.ALONE.because,i chose another way to love him.i couldnt get an ans as to whether i still feel for him.the only thing i can say is,i no longer feel so much hurt when he told me what he has been doing.maybe,i've alrdy accepted.

i'm nt trying to talk about my r/s life with this man.but i just want to highlight to a friend,my 3 yr friend who brought so much laughter to us,if u are reading this.i want u to understand,in terms of being stubborn,u're nt my match since i can do it i can move out of it.y cant u?perhaps u shld first think whether u're relectant to accept what happened is because of the love,or u just wanted someone to be there.if it is because of love,y nt choose another way to love?instead of being selfish,y nt allow him/her to live a life they want?because i accepted the way tt man is,i let him go,i allow him the kind of life he wants.this is my way of loving him.and i'm sure all these actions which u've done,u hope for the other party to be happy isnt it?then y nt just let it go?u'll never knw,what the future arrange for u.

who doesnt want an ending?i want an ending with this man whom i loved;dearly too.but apparently,the 'honest & cruel' truth says no.what else can we do,right?so,my friend.at least we have that process,the times which we spent;happy or nt,the shared memories between the two is enough.rmb?因为拥有,所以笑.of course,i knw it takes more than courage,more than heartbroken,more than tears to push the one u truly loved away.but i presume,its the only way to look for true happiness this way?wake up,boy...

YYY

因为曾经拥有，所以笑。
11:23:00 PM